Dear Married Men, This Blogger Said Having Sex to Avoid Porn Addiction Is...

This blogger said Having Sex to Avoid Porn Addiction Is 'Misuse' of Bible's View of Sex.  His name is Randall Ajimine and he has been blogging for over ten years about the church, the Bible, and theology especially as they relate to sex, sexuality, and relationships.

Read and be educated...
If an individual was given the choice to either be addicted to pornography or lose their virginity, they would be better off getting help from a therapist or from a "sympathetic, nurturing ear," says a Seattle-based Christian blogger.

Randall Ajimine, whose writing focuses on the Bible and theology in relation to sexuality and relationships, notes that having sex for the wrong reasons or watching porn should be avoided completely as they are both "toxic." But he notes if someone chooses to have sex to avoid addiction, their decision is still considered a misuse of the biblical ideal for sex, whether they are married or not.

"If you think having sex will satisfy your sexual curiosity or lessen your sexual urges, you're sorely mistaken," says Ajimine in a blog post for XXXChurch.com. "If anything, having sex just to satisfy an urge or to scratch the itch of curiosity can lead to the very same sorts of compulsive, alienating habits as a porn addiction."

He adds, "That suggests you're just having sex with someone for your own selfish ends, not as part of a mutually loving relationship. Thus, you're not only harming yourself, but you're also taking advantage of the other person."

While Ajimine notes that sex does not lead to compulsive behaviors for most people, he says "unhealthy, depersonalized, addictive sex" does happen in both physical and online realms.
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Pastor Craig Gross, founder of XXX Church, shares a similar view. In a recent blog post, Gross gave the example of two high school students, one who loses their virginity on prom night and one who is a virgin but addicted to porn.

Although he acknowledges that sex should wait until marriage, he says the student who has sex "is in better shape" because "the experience they had, while far from God's design, was still something real."

"For the kid who looks at porn: this experience is statistically likely to lead to struggles. They'll investigate harder and harder material online and indulge in masturbation over and over again," says Gross. "By the time this person gets alone with a real person for real sex – maybe even on their wedding night they'll have no clue or understudying that sex is about two people who have real needs and feelings and emotions."

That is why Ajimine suggests that it is worth exploring the underlying issues that prompts individuals to consider either losing their virginity or becoming addicted by identifying the root of their desires.

Before seeking help, Ajimine suggests that a person should first understand that "sexual urges are natural and God-given."

"God is neither mad at nor ashamed of you for having your sexual feelings. This is a huge step because unfortunately, in many churches, people are taught that their sexual feelings are something to fear, deny, and hide," says Ajimine.

He suggests individuals should also try to figure out why their desires are out of control and how they can "steward" those feelings in a way that honors God, themselves and those around them.

 "Sex is a powerful, primal urge. It is also a gift from God that I believe is designed to move us towards healthy, loving relationships," says Ajimine. "Both porn addiction and exploitative sex keep us from this ideal."